The Great Console War

Because mine's bigger than yours.

Since the dawn of time, humanity has had it’s little clubs; whether it’s a sports team, political party, religious group or otherwise, it’d be lying to deny that people like to be a part of something. Remember that swelling, soaring pride you felt when you joined the Scouts all those years ago, or when you rolled in to see your favourite band’s gig the other week? Understandably, many look at their consoles in much the same way.

Still, it would also be lying to deny that humanity can be highly unpleasant at the best of times, too; as Oscar Wilde once claimed, “the world is a stage, but the play is badly cast”. As a result, you’ll have probably know by now that ‘club’ is just another way of saying ‘us’, and ‘them’. Xbots, Playstationites, Nintendoids - they’re all out there fighting a war that was never declared. Have you ever paid a visit to a gaming forum? If so then you’ll know that it’s being taken a bit too far on the front lines, fought tooth and nail as often as pen and keyboard. Here, it's not enough to simply agree to disagree when the first shots are fired; no, these gamers need to curtail and destroy all opposition, and will not rest until one side claims victory. “360 degrees of s***,” or, “HitlerStation 3” are great examples (though my personal favourite remains “internet commenters are full of fail”).

Unfortunately - and rather disappointingly - it’s an argument that is not just exclusive to internet junkies, though; in store our customers (and staff) frequently argue and bicker over which machine is the superior choice, and how anyone who chose anything different is an utter, complete and inconceivable moron with the rough average brain-power of a blended tea-cosy.
Believe me, the results are never pretty.

But where’s it all coming from?

You don’t have to look too far to find out; for starters, everyone loves a bit of a squabble (it’s human nature) and - true to form - the games companies themselves massively encourage this kind of behaviour, pumping us full of propaganda in the form of advertisements and jingles to ensures our loyalty and thus our ongoing investment (just look at Sony’s 2010 E3 conference to see the bottom line in petty squabbling). As a business, their primary objective is to line their pockets; and like many businesses, first order of the day is to play dirty to ensure that they see your cash by the end of it. Our loyalty, then, is somewhat misplaced; so why in heaven are we defending these hunks of plastic so fervently?

Well, many take it as an opportunity to justify that initial purchase, but the truth of the matter is, there is no ‘right’ choice here; the Xbox 360 has a brilliantly expansive library, great accessibility and fantastic online features (you pay for a reason) while the Playstation 3 has superb hardware and some wonderful exclusives. The Wii, on the other hand, is the very best at social gaming by a mile, the PC caters for the more serious gamer and the two handhelds mop up the hardcore and casual travel markets very nicely. Then, on the other side of matters, they all have their problems as well; with the Wii and DS drowning in a deluge of utterly dreadful shovel-ware, the PSP remaining almost entirely forgotten, bedraggled and abandoned by Sony since it’s launch, the 360 sporting a failure rate worse than Apple Mac running entirely on cocaine, the PC costing about five-hundred million odd pounds to keep updated every few years and the PS3 ripping off everyone’s ideas like some dirty great playground bully, no one party is perfect.

My point? Whichever you choose, there will be a positive and a negative to be had, and what it comes down to in the end is what is best for you. I mean, can you imagine a family settling down for a nice, relaxing game of Gears of War on an evening with their coco and biscuits or a serious gamer settling in for the long night hours with some hardcore Wii Sports? No? Me neither. At the end of the day I chose my console not because I have a small penis, but because I wanted to.

Seriously, enjoy your machine for what it is and let others do the same; if you’re going to fight, at least fight over something worthwhile (and the truth is, there are far more important things to be getting wound up about these days anyway). In a world where life is difficult and bloody enough already, why do we need more to scrap over? We’re here to enjoy some great games instead.